Wasted Accomplishments

Do you ever get that feeling, where you do something right for yourself or somebody else and you think that people are going to be proud of you for what you did, but in reality nobody gives a shit? I'm starting to feel that way in both my school work and my artwork. I've known a lot of people who have told me that they draw because it makes them happy. There was a time when I used to think the same way. Back when I was 10, I drew pictures of my favorite cartoon characters all the time and I would have them be in situations with a little bird character that I saw as an extension of myself, making him able to do things that I want to do, but cant. I didn't really care about that fact at the time, I just drew it because I thought it was funny. As I grew older, I used this as a flashlight to guide me for what what would be my future career. Up until I decided to showcase my work over the internet at the age of 13. At that point I drew for selfish reasons. It would become apparent later that my artwork needed vast amounts of improvement and that I ignored the basics of art. It has been five years later, and I'm in a stage of regret. I've spent years doing something that would usually make me happy and turned it into a method of competition and narcissism. Now, every time I draw, I feel like I've wasted what could have been a life of eternal happiness and normality. I constantly try to suppress this feeling by being more socially active and try to communicate with other artists, but even that feels like a wasted effort. After looking back at all of the things that I've done in the past, I keep thinking to myself "Why do you even bother? They do not see you as an artist. They see you as a pretentious fan boy. They could care less about you. You would die tomorrow and nobody would show up at your funeral no matter what you did for them. They won. You lost." I don't know what to do with my career at this point but for now, I'm going to focus on what is really important and that is my school work and hopefully I'll find that one spark that would give my life meaning.